"OUT FASTED"
One of the books I read in the first few months after receiving the baptism in the Holy Spirit was called, GOD'S CHOSEN FAST, by Arthur Wallis. Since the author was from England,(and the English have cool accents) I thought he must have known what he was talking about, so I devoured it eagerly. One morning I noticed that I was eating a doughnut with the book in my lap. Doughnut crumbs were strewn across my lap defiling the cover of the book, which must have been a prophetic sign of what I'm about to share.
Doing things halfway is not me. I tend to live by the motto, "If a little is good; more is better," so I don't usually approach anything with less than full commitment. In fact, the word, "compulsive," comes to mind. The same was true with my approach to fasting. I was fascinated with the possibility being able to give up meals and see God open doors for me. The thought of obtaining favor with God by doing something that required a sacrifice was appealing. Besides, it would be a good discipline and cause me to lose weight.
I started off with a three- day fast. Other people who were well known in the body of Christ fasted regularly, or so they said, so I knew that if I wanted to excel in ministry, this was the way. Sure enough, I made it through my first fast with relative ease. I can't remember what I fasted about, but I began to give this new found weapon in my spiritual arsenal more and more devotion. I began to attach the outcomes of my prayer requests to the length of the fast and especially the type of fast I was able to do.
Serving God was serious. I knew that people were choosing sin and were ignoring God, especially other Christians who didn't seem concerned that the Church needed revival. I knew it was up to me to "press in" to God and show Him I meant business.
During this time, I was able to convince a few others to fast with me. Since my husband and I were the pastors, I knew that our congregation would be worthy of revival, God's vindication of sincerity, if we would just be more devoted to the spiritual disciplines. After all, the books I read indicated that revivals had happened only when people had sought God with prayer, but especially with fasting.
It was odd, but the more often I fasted, the harder it was to pray. Within only a couple of hours into a fast, my mind drifted to gutting it out to make it until the time I had reserved, usually 3 days, 7 days, 21 or 40. I became grumpy and legalistic, and while I was fasting, the messages I preached had an element of intensity to them.
I read some books that talked about not just fasting once in awhile but about leading a "fasted" life. These were the spiritual "big guns," who made fasting a regular habit. Their books filled the shelves of the Christian bookstores and they spoke in hushed tones about a deeper Christian life. Whenever I felt insecure, or in a state of bewilderment, or whenever things weren't going smoothly in the congregation, I fasted. I never felt close to God during the fasts, but it didn't matter, I saw the hunger and the lack of emotional feeling as just another sacrifice. I knew God would one day vindicate the time I had spent devoting myself to spiritual discipline with the blessing of revival, church growth and fulfillment of prophecies that had been given to us.
I was on a 40-day bread and water fast when a girl in the congregation remarked about how much time I spent fasting and how much weight I had lost. She didn't know that one day that same week I was walking through a store, looked in a mirror and noticed that the whites of my eyes were turning yellow. She went on to share about an article she had read in a Christian magazine by a woman who acquired anorexia nervosa under the guise of fasting. Her words ran through me like a knife. I didn't show it on my face, but I wondered for a second if this could be happening to me.
This woman was the first person God sent across my path. The second was a young man in our congregation who began to take me seriously. He, too, developed a penchant for fasting and intense prayer. Within a few months our congregation was in the throes of a division. The young man had developed a following. He strained at prayer for revival and out fasted me. Then he subtly influenced his followers to despise Bill and me. We weren't committed enough to the revival vision to lead. Something was wrong, and I needed to find out what it was...
(Part 2 next week: What God showed me about fasting...)
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