BEWARE THE LEAVEN OF THE PHARISEES SERIES - 5- The Spiritual Mask
MY SPIRITUAL HALLOWEEN MASK
Receiving the baptism in the Holy Spirit over 44 years ago made such a radical difference in my spiritual life that it seemed like I had been born again -again! I suddenly felt the love I had always known I should have had for Jesus and for people, and I desperately wanted people to experience this love, too, whereas before it wasn't of much concern to me.
However, after a few months, I wasn't having the impact I thought I should have, and I felt I had to do something about it. I assumed that I had to add something to the love that the Holy Spirit gave me for people. Perhaps, if I would just make changes in my outward appearance, people would notice that I had changed inside. I knew I had to look the part.
I exposed myself to religious influences who were quick to define what a genuinely godly person should look like. They believed that the truly spiritual woman could not simply love people, but that spirituality had to be seen in one's external appearance. I realized that in order to fit in with that crowd, and more importantly, to stand out in that crowd, I had to give up make-up and earrings. After all, any focus on outward appearance was a manifestation of the flesh!
Eradicating manifestations of "the flesh" ---- all the external ones, anyway, became my chief focus. A well- meaning friend reminded me that the word "cosmetics" came from the root word, "cosmos" which meant "world." Uh-oh, there was the culprit. I could better spend the 10 minutes it took to apply my make-up every morning in prayer and Bible reading. Jesus was coming for a spotless bride, and I was doing all I could to make sure I didn't soil my gown! This was serious business! So, I hid my sense of humor and became intense and took myself very seriously.
Trust me, Honey, it wasn't beautiful and of course, had nothing to do with genuine spirituality, which God defines as love and the pure simplicity of knowing and walking with Jesus. Instead, I was following my own definition of spirituality.
How I looked was only part of the problem. Spiritual pride crept in causing me to look down on others who weren't straining to the same degree I was. Exclusivity became part of the way I shared the Gospel. Everyone was welcome to come to Jesus, but afterwards, "Look out! Only a remnant who traveled the "narrow" road of holiness would be on "the platform" in heaven.
Then I wondered if maybe my voice pattern didn't sufficiently reflect the esteem for the "mighty, holy" God I served. I began vibrating my voice when I prayed and fasting extensively to prove myself to God. I admired other women I thought were more spiritual than I was, so I imitated their speech patterns and carried a bigger Bible. By this time, my religious mask was intricately developed and plastered over my otherwise, joyful, fun-loving personality.
Behind the mask I grew lonely and isolated. I couldn't relax. I worked at confessing faith to ward off sickness and ruthlessly resisted the temptation to doubt. I tried to get others to conform to my new standard of spirituality. If I felt that the congregation wasn't exhibiting the same level of enthusiasm about the "things of God" as I was, I would call people to prayer and fasting. We needed to "seek God," I thought. I didn't want God to bypass us when time for revival rolled around. Besides, God was worthy of devotion, no matter how much trouble it was.
But the harder I strained, the less real I became. I was no longer a testimony to the awesome grace of God, but instead, I was denying the greatest revelation: Christ alive in the real me-not the fake me! Like Adam and Eve, I felt "less than" and had begun to cover myself with "fig leaves."
The problem was my inaccurate perception of God, and He knew I couldn't really trust that perception of Him. He also knew that I did not have a mature revelation of His love which would make me come out from behind the "fig bushes" and have the guts to just be real. Finding the inner strength to be real is a work of God's miraculous mercy. Do you seriously think that being who you really are limits God's power?
God doesn't work from the outside in; He works from the inside out. Trying go ahead of God and conform yourself into His image only results in reflecting a distortion of Him based on your assumptions about Him instead of a revelation of His love and grace. Projecting a false image is part of the leaven of the Pharisees that Jesus warned His disciples about and mocks the genuine work of Christ. It is ok to relax. You can trust Him to make you into a revelation of His grace--even if it takes the rest of your life, and it probably will.
